Today is the day I am supposed to feel like killing everyone – not at all. Started my morning with steak and eggs, Things were going fine until I got a text that changed the day. A loved one is hurting – so much they see no value in their life. I am some 2,000 miles away and my heart breaks, I am so grateful to my cousin for being there and not hesitating to help where I cannot. My loved one is now angry for the help being offered and is trying to convince us all it is fine. It is not fine. I have personally suffered from severe depression with thoughts of suicide. I know it does not just get batter. I am so fortunate to have a wonderful support system that helped me – but I reached out and asked for help. This one will not ask for help, nor does he/she have any support near by. I am terrified of the future for him/her. How do you make someone in that state of mind know they are loved and help is right here?
To help distract my mind I went to Whole Foods (Whole Paycheck as my dear cousin calls it) for the first time in over 13 years. HOLY HELL do they have a lot of stuff! I went for Ghee and Coconut Aminos…$140 later and only filling 2 bags I went home. This afternoon I spent in the sun with my awesome friends I had not seen in ages. Elana went and got fresh fruit and veggies for me, oh, and made me iced tea 🙂 This is the support I am talking about!
I tried a new food today – chili lime deviled eggs using avocado instead of mayo. The color may be a little off-putting, but the flavor was so good and fresh. The lime juice gives a refreshing like feel.
I will pray tonight that the Lord shows me how to help my family, give them hope, and let me help them.